"Going out in other cities must be bittersweet"

The title of this post was a text I received from someone I met in a city that I'm not from. I'm here for work and I met him at a club that i was going to the night before I fly back home. I responded back, "Not usually." Whenever I'm on travel, I am of the understanding that I'm only looking for something fun for the evening. And then out of the blue, you meet someone that catches your eye and you start talking. It turns out that the conversation is not about sex, but something more engaging. It's a real conversation. And I love real conversations. I don't know how it happens, but I end up talking about my insecurity over my looks. I've had the conversation run in my head numerous times, but one of the only few times that I've voiced it. I understand that my insecurity might seem unfounded. And i'm a little embarassed by it. I realize that I am attractive, but it's not enough. I need some level of validation. It's why I probably sleep around. It's why i'm not in a relationship right now. I need someone to validate that I'm attractive. The logical side of my brain can break it down and point to numerous instances that would support the "i'm attractive" argument. But the illogical side is illogical and doesn't want to listen to the logical side.

So this guy I meet turns out to be absolutely gorgeous, smart, and engaging. He would be the perfect person to validate me. But the thought abhors me. As much as I want someone like that to prove to the world that I am special, I really would prefer it if I just figure it out on my own. And then it crushes me that I can't get to know this guy more. We live ~3000 miles away from each other and I'm too realistic to think that anything can come from it. And then it crushes me even more that now I am aware of someone out there that can validate me; which means that all future dates will be held to an even higher standard. Sometimes, i just absolutely hate myself.