"Going out in other cities must be bittersweet"

The title of this post was a text I received from someone I met in a city that I'm not from. I'm here for work and I met him at a club that i was going to the night before I fly back home. I responded back, "Not usually." Whenever I'm on travel, I am of the understanding that I'm only looking for something fun for the evening. And then out of the blue, you meet someone that catches your eye and you start talking. It turns out that the conversation is not about sex, but something more engaging. It's a real conversation. And I love real conversations. I don't know how it happens, but I end up talking about my insecurity over my looks. I've had the conversation run in my head numerous times, but one of the only few times that I've voiced it. I understand that my insecurity might seem unfounded. And i'm a little embarassed by it. I realize that I am attractive, but it's not enough. I need some level of validation. It's why I probably sleep around. It's why i'm not in a relationship right now. I need someone to validate that I'm attractive. The logical side of my brain can break it down and point to numerous instances that would support the "i'm attractive" argument. But the illogical side is illogical and doesn't want to listen to the logical side.

So this guy I meet turns out to be absolutely gorgeous, smart, and engaging. He would be the perfect person to validate me. But the thought abhors me. As much as I want someone like that to prove to the world that I am special, I really would prefer it if I just figure it out on my own. And then it crushes me that I can't get to know this guy more. We live ~3000 miles away from each other and I'm too realistic to think that anything can come from it. And then it crushes me even more that now I am aware of someone out there that can validate me; which means that all future dates will be held to an even higher standard. Sometimes, i just absolutely hate myself.

Pick of the Litter

I've often wondered what it would be like to be the guy that everyone wants. Take Top Marine for example. He's a well built, hung top, whom I'm picturing to be ruggedly handsome. Granted that's what I like, therefore I'm only assuming that that's what everyone wants. You have to admit though that that description can get a lot of guys. But what it would be like to be the one that turns heads and the one that gets numbers shoved into their hands, pockets, and close friends? I'm sure there are those with image issues still and lament the same way I do, but it would still be interesting to know.

Or what would it be like to be a guy that is interested in "specialty" guys? To be a good-looking, muscular guy that prefers heavier set men? Or the cute, young twink that likes much older men? Or the blonde hair/blue eyed boy that is only into an ethnicity or color. What is it like to be the guy that has the pick of the litter, whatever that litter may contain?

I consider myself a "specialty" guy. It would be fantasctic if I was into the guys that are usually into me. Unfortunately, I am not. Fortunately, I'm near the top of my pack, so I still attract a good selection. I have even attracted guys that aren't into my specialty. But because of my situation, I have developed a weird image issue. So it would have been much easier if I prefer creepy, old men. But then again, wouldn't it be easier for everyone? But where would the fun be in all that? A day in the life is all i'm asking for.

Heartbreaker

I like him. He has a boyfriend.

We were really just fuck-buddies but I liked him more than that. I didn't really say anything because I knew he wasn't looking for a relationship. Then he drops a bombshell on me and says, "I'm getting back with my ex." And while I thought I had a good shot to segue into boyfriend, I can't compete with history. But the sex continued; until I saw him and his boyfriend in public. I couldn't stand being "the other woman", so I called it off. And though I thought that I was fine and can get past him, I bump into him and I'm tongue-tied all over again. Why does he have to be so charming and cute?

New Year's Resolution

At the beginning of 2007, I made a new year's resolution. And since it's nearing the end of the year, I thought it would be a great time to see how I did.

My first resolution was to decrease the amount of guys I slept with. I even had a game plan: to sleep with some guys on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that didn't work out. I realized that I didn't like regulars. The only time I actually wanted to sleep with someone more than once was when I was interested in them outside of the bedroom. And even when the sex was great, I wouldn't want a repeat unless I liked them. So how did I do against this resultion? For 2006, I slept with 49 guys. How did I do in 2007? Let me do the calculation. And carry the one. Drumroll, please...38. Hey, not bad. I do have a little over three weeks, but I doubt I'll sleep with 11 guys until then. I'll have to repost the final tally when the year is over.

My second resolution was to decrease the number of guys that I met online. I just thought that it would be good to try and learn to seal the deal in real life as opposed to doing it online. I've already learned how to seal the deal via the internet. I want to know how to seal the deal face to face. Before I do the numbers, I have a feeling that I actually failed. So how did I do? Hmmm. 14 guys that I met in real life. And that doesn't include the 3 guys that I slept with from a bath house. 21 guys from the internet. Yup, I failed. Unless, of course, I sleep with 5 more guys in the "real-life" department (or 8 if we don't count the bath house guys). I again doubt that that will happen. So of the 14 guys, I met 8 guys at a club, 2 guys from the gym, 1 guy was an old friend, 1 guy was from the hotel pool, 1 guy was from an organization I'm with, and 1 guy I met on the street. From the 21 internet guys, 9 was from adam4adam, 5 were from manhunt, and 7 were from craigslist.

So it's been an interesting year. There have been some interesting stories and unfortunately, I didn't write about any of them. There were the 3 sets of couples and one orgy. There was that guy that I met on the street. There was a guy with the 10.5" (the longest guy I've been with) and another guy that was probably the thickest guy I've been with. Sex inside a landmark theater. Another guy that became a bit obsessed after a one-time fling. And one guy that was a bit of a heart-breaker for me. All in all, I had a good year. Let's see what 2008 brings.

Re-Intro

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

This blog is to chronicle my sex life as a gay male. I originally started this blog a year ago. Unfortunately, I didn't know what details to share and what not to share. At first, I kept the encounters vague but I soon learned that I didn't know how to be interesting being vague. Then, I started getting into details of the sexual encounters, which I quickly realized is not my forte. So in the end, the posting stopped.

I don't know why I'm doing this again, but I am. For those that find this, I hope you like it. For those that don't and are looking for real juicy gay sex stories, please follow the links on the right. Those are some of the blogs that I enjoy. Thank you.